[personal profile] elyouc
relationship is work in progress. i go between bailing out completely and staying because there is that part of me that truly loves this man but then again there's the me that likes to run. i could benefit from counseling. i should look into the women's center.

classes have started. i had speech today and intro to sociology. aside from that, my courseload is a jumble of things i need to get through this semester and on to the next chapter. not looking forward to statistics. should be fine in human development and community involvement. i feel so disconnected that this should all prove interesting.

trying to be more active to soothe my over active mind. if i can stick with walking the turkey trail and the going to the gym at least once a week, i should be in better shape. steve wants me to wake up with him at 5 to work out at the home gym. i have no problem with this, but he could use the motivation. who really likes waking up that early in the morning?

i'm still pissed about the big fight last thursday. i'm banned from tapps til i don't know when. i find that to be good actually i hate the place, i only tolerate it because him and his friends hang out there. but i could see how this will be a problem with us. so frustrating.

six more months and maybe i can leave this life behind. start anew. but then why wait til then. i just want a happier existence and maybe developing a stronger mind can help with that.

so much marketing work to do. time to dig up and dust off the ibook.

i got the samsung p2 for christmas and i've already overloaded it with data. yeahhh it might be time for spring cleaning already. create space for the new.

Date: 2009-01-12 07:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] complexdreamer.livejournal.com
that balance is hard no? Knowing that we need to put work into any commitment, be it a job or a relationship. That we are all unique individuals and it can take work to share our lives with others that have separate beliefs, thoughts, interaction patterns, definitions,etc. It's hard to determine when it's a something to be worked towards and when it's just not the right place for either person and so they should just acknowledge the good in eachother and acknowledge their differences and move on. Though this movement shouldn't be based on fear, a desire or pattern of running when things get difficult or too intimate, jealousy, or any other negative emotion (save for situations of abuse of course). But instead a deep understanding of your self, your weaknesses, patterns of relating, values, a desire to be true to the you deep inside while understanding the other person in such depth as well and just realizing that your bottom lines, your values don't mesh well with each other, so you let go. And understanding that fairy tale relationships aren't real, superficial relationships can seem to immitate them, because if neither person really knows themself or the other person, there can be no conflict, no challenge, no allowance of growth. Move on. Hard to discern, yes. Also not staying out of hope that the other person will change, or fear of being alone or inadequate or unlovable, or any thing else.

Date: 2009-01-12 08:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blackpaladin.livejournal.com
Hey. I left you a message on the last thing I saw you post, but a few minutes later the post disappeared. I tried sending you a text message on the number I have for you, but either it didn't go through or you didn't respond. Glad to see you're still OK. *hugs* I'm still at the same cell number, so call if you need anything, OK?

-T.

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elyouc

March 2010

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