[personal profile] elyouc
to all my single friends...

how the hell does one stay single?

i know i have a problem with it.. finding myself in another relationship.. going through the same pattern i can't seem to break..

on the way back from our escape from reality two weekends ago.. it was suggested to me to go to school somewhere south of here.. live on my own.. be on my own.. find myself before finding someone to be with me.. it's lofty dreaming.. but sometimes i wonder if i can do it.. i guess i never really have.. when i've tried it in sarasota i found myself in relationships.. when i tried it here, it only lasted a couple of months before i'm caught in the same web..

i suppose it's just my personality?
i don't like to be alone

there's the truth for ya hah

Date: 2009-03-11 01:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tjlane.livejournal.com
What is this pattern that you can't seem to break? It's not abnormal to want to be in a relationship but if you want it to last, you have to learn why you have that destructive pattern and resolve it somehow.

I've been single for a while and I don't mind it. I like the freedom to come and go as I please without having to answer to anyone but if I came across the right person I can make compromises.

Date: 2009-03-11 05:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] complexdreamer.livejournal.com
I've thought about this too. though, from an already in a committed relationship, not going to leave it, perspective. I feel that I need to learn to be more independent- not in finances, or jobs, or whatever, but in allowing myself "me" time, in not relying on my significant other to entertain me, make me happy, etc etc. So I've been trying to figure it out. I think it is the hardest once you live together. I'm starting slowly in just going for walks alone, and such to show myself that it really is OK to be alone, that it is OK to do good things for myself, to nurture myself. of course brian is very supportive in this- since he doesn't mind/needs time alone and is very independent.

I think that maybe avoiding dating isn't the issue as much as avoiding the whirlwind romances that spur us to spend every free moment with the other person. It's ok to say I will only see soandso 2x per week. the other days are mine. of course this may not quite fit with the other person's dating style.. but maybe it's a matter of letting potential significant others know that that is all you are looking for, that you value yourself and want to spend time with and on yourself. It definitely can take self-control when you find someone that you just want to be with all the time.. But I think if you are upfront with anyone that shows interest it may help. Just a thought.

For myself, and I haven't discussed this with Brian at all.. But I'm starting to think that if we could afford it, it wouldn't be bad for us to live in a more rural area (which is what we want) and then me to have an apartment in the nearby city close to my job. Temporarily, but still allowing for me to get more used to being alone and depending first and foremost on myself. And then go back to the regular house on my days off.. Something like that. I don't know if I'll still need it when it would be financially feasible. But it's a thought. Because my aversion to spending time alone, my neediness when it comes to my emotions, etc are really bothering me and at times affecting our relationship adversely.



March 2010


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