is there any way for you to seek counseling love? Honestly I would recommend 1 on 1 counseling for you AND couples counseling for you both- which would hopefully move him toward 1 on 1 counseling eventually. Look at what your school offers. I'd hidden from counseling for years, ashamed to go, ashamed that maybe I did need help. But go I did, for about 5 months and I'm very glad I did. You do have to find a counselor that matches you, and it may take trial and error for that, but I'd recommend it.. It's no good to be scared, to feel stuck and helpless. Especially find someone who has worked with alcoholics, children of alcoholics, people who have been in abusive relationships (whether from childhood or adulthood)..
If you are noticing destructive patterns in yourself and/or Steve, now is the time to do something- start therapy, leave him if you must, it will only get worse as time goes on and be harder to do anything about because you will have more excuses more "shoulds" in your mind, more attachments, less time due to caring for your lovely daughter, etc etc etc.
I do think a counselor could help you sort out whether this was a healthy relationship, a bad one to be in, if its your perceptions/you that needs to change, or him, or both.. etc.
I love you dearly and hate to see you feeling thus, but I also understand the nature of a lot of what you're feeling. I wonder at times am I repeating some of what I went through as a child. Did I pick a loner that is cynical and pessimistic, because though not directed at me, it is comfortingly similar to the abuse I had in my past. But often I realize that I interpret him wrong, that I am hypersensitive to things because they do stir up old memories. Other times I have learned that I do need to draw a boundary and say enough is enough. But overall I have realized that this relationship has been very good for me, I have been safer and more supported than ever in my life and from that I have been able to begin to confront all of this and figure out how to start to change and grow. I also realized through counseling that my moods weren't something I had to put up with and that they were not soley, but pretty tied to my period.. and since starting Yaz birth control I've felt more stable than ever, that I'm not on this crazy rollercoaster of uncontrollable ups and downs.
I wish I were out there for you. I wish we had a spare bedroom you could escape to for a time to figure things out. *hugs*
I do believe I am coming out there in December around Xmas time. Will you be available at all? When are you due ? much love.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-07-19 01:32 pm (UTC)If you are noticing destructive patterns in yourself and/or Steve, now is the time to do something- start therapy, leave him if you must, it will only get worse as time goes on and be harder to do anything about because you will have more excuses more "shoulds" in your mind, more attachments, less time due to caring for your lovely daughter, etc etc etc.
I do think a counselor could help you sort out whether this was a healthy relationship, a bad one to be in, if its your perceptions/you that needs to change, or him, or both.. etc.
I love you dearly and hate to see you feeling thus, but I also understand the nature of a lot of what you're feeling. I wonder at times am I repeating some of what I went through as a child. Did I pick a loner that is cynical and pessimistic, because though not directed at me, it is comfortingly similar to the abuse I had in my past. But often I realize that I interpret him wrong, that I am hypersensitive to things because they do stir up old memories. Other times I have learned that I do need to draw a boundary and say enough is enough. But overall I have realized that this relationship has been very good for me, I have been safer and more supported than ever in my life and from that I have been able to begin to confront all of this and figure out how to start to change and grow. I also realized through counseling that my moods weren't something I had to put up with and that they were not soley, but pretty tied to my period.. and since starting Yaz birth control I've felt more stable than ever, that I'm not on this crazy rollercoaster of uncontrollable ups and downs.
I wish I were out there for you. I wish we had a spare bedroom you could escape to for a time to figure things out. *hugs*
I do believe I am coming out there in December around Xmas time. Will you be available at all? When are you due ? much love.