(no subject)

[elyouc]

This is just to remind myself that I would love love love it if I can be surrounded again with art. White walls are unsettling to me. It just doesn't feel right. I need an art buddy. I could very well be surrounded by beauty but I'm too lost inside my head to see it. Let me wrap up this semester and I promise that I will try to be productive in other regards. It's a matter of channeling energies specifically. Right now I am so restless and cannot sleep! Steve is probably wondering why the space next to him is empty. I am never up when he's asleep. We're inseperable when we're together. But my mind is off. I feel something inside me that insists that who I've been is not what I want. The trial period has expired and I need a new life. Today I noticed that the new people in my life has so much good energy! But I have bad vibe because I don't feel right. Life right now is chaos, but settling into something calm. Eye of the storm. I just feel like I'm in turmoil. Tumultous times. I have to stop comparing now to then. Yes I had my days when I simply felt free. Carefree and happy. No worries. It was a different life. I know I have an absorbant personality. Perhaps I take in his stress. Add it to mine and it is plain stupid. My idea of relaxing is blasting out music and dancing by myself hah. That and trying to find inspiration. I think what I was trying to get to was that I need to use the people in my life now as inspiration to live a better life. (Wow I really love that autosave feature I closed out accidentaly and hah it's here.) But my next train of thought was that I know so many people but only on the surface level. I need to dig deeper. I want a better understanding of who they are and what they have to teach me in this life. This can be my new project. Liz had to move away to Bradenton when I felt us getting closer. Understanding this is what life does to everybody but still I find it annoying. Sandy wants to go see shows with me. I need galpals like her. Such energy and positivity I've missed such people. Here to remind self to look closely and see what's inside. I think I am feeling better now and will try to get some sleep. Good night :)