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Aug. 7th, 2008 08:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elyoucI'm slowly returning to the LJ world.. it's really great to hear about my friends lives as they make their way.. I'm happy for you guys!! I'm grateful too that it's proving to be lifelong friendships and definitely worth putting in more effort as far as building on the relationships.
Hmm, in this side of the computer.. I'm just getting ready to head back to school starting the 18th. Of course, I'm getting all nostalgic already from the summer fun I've had. To recap, I was supposed to get a summer job so I didn't enroll for summer classes. I did my stint at the printer, the organic farm, driving around the Montanos, so that's how I funded my partying for the summer lol But I think it mostly went to gas so I could spend time with friends and going to shows and whatnot. I think I even made my way to Sarasota to visit with Purple and Adam, see Geoff, Andrew and Dan at the PCP. Hah, I guess I was looking forward to seeing Neil around that time, but he ended up disappearing on me because he said he couldn't live up to what he thought he could provide. That was part of the dissapointment this summer. There was also Kyle leaving for Ohio far too early before I was able to see him. Funny thing with that is that he's heading back to Florida so he can train to be an army ranger in Japan for next year. I got to see Tracey in Hollywood, FL during the FMCRC conference, which turned out to be beneficial for me as I work on getting more involved in the Fil-Am community. I was voted Public Relations offficer for both FAABCO and SFACEF. I have a conference coming up for the Coalition, FAPA and NaFFAA. The important thing to keep in mind is who will we back up for the upcoming presidential election. I think we're going to link up with FilVote.. it's on my things to do. The list is getting longer actually because I keep on saying yes. Right now I'm supposed to be at a Brevard Cultural Alliance meeting, but yeah my car is at the mechanic. I've been so dependent on my family and friends to getting places, and I really hate it because I feel my freedom is taken from me. I am really missing my new friend Liz. That girl and I just bonded right quick ever since I met her at the DUB321 show at Vero Beach. From that point on, I've been part of the dub321 family and it's been fun. It's been a while since I've had a galpal. Our friendship is new, but together we kick ass. Same with Sandy. I see the three of us being really good friends for as long as we invest ourselves in this friendship. I finally met Steve this summer too, and he's been a blessing in my life. It's taken me two years to finally see him at Tapps and we kinda regret not having made more of an effort but I think because I've had so many disappointments in relationships and it's taken me this long to really get over Mikeal that in that time, I've matured some and know better how to deal with a grown up relationship. I'm happy for Mikeal I really am. I think the wake up call I had with him is when I found out he was going to be a father. He's going to have a baby girl with Jess. It's still shocking for me but it all made sense to me then that he wasn't the one. I think to me he will always be the one that got away. I'm finding myself these days to be thinking that Steve will be the one that will stay. I don't want to jinx it, if it's meant to be, it will happen. But for now the focus is finishing my education and making a life for myself that will make me happy. I've been miserable for too long, without really realizing it, so I need to work on my life and making it the best one. While I may have no inkling as to a definite path to pursue, along the way I'm finding my strengths and weaknesses, and what I can handle. This life right now maybe not the one I have imagined for myself, but it makes sense right now and I know now to be thankful for all that I have which is more than what I can ask for. Ohh, and I got to do fire spinning this summer. That was fun. Too many naked pool parties and drunken nights too, but I feel as if I needed to get the hard partying out of the way so I won't feel like I'm missing out. I want to be a good girl now. I've quit smoking, I've been clean, I just gotta work on keeping my drinking to a min. After throwing up all over Steve that one night, and not remembering a damn thing, I think we're getting me there, lol. He's right though, I wasn't able to do much with myself because I've been with people who are not that good for me. Like I said before, I need a strong man that I don't need to worry about, who will keep me stimulated, tell me when I'm being a brat and give me the love I need. He's really good that. So, I'm hoping that it will work out, but not just that, I'm also going to work on us. "It's you and me baby forever." :D
Didn't mean to go on as I did, but that's where my heart is at lol. K, time to be productive.
Hmm, in this side of the computer.. I'm just getting ready to head back to school starting the 18th. Of course, I'm getting all nostalgic already from the summer fun I've had. To recap, I was supposed to get a summer job so I didn't enroll for summer classes. I did my stint at the printer, the organic farm, driving around the Montanos, so that's how I funded my partying for the summer lol But I think it mostly went to gas so I could spend time with friends and going to shows and whatnot. I think I even made my way to Sarasota to visit with Purple and Adam, see Geoff, Andrew and Dan at the PCP. Hah, I guess I was looking forward to seeing Neil around that time, but he ended up disappearing on me because he said he couldn't live up to what he thought he could provide. That was part of the dissapointment this summer. There was also Kyle leaving for Ohio far too early before I was able to see him. Funny thing with that is that he's heading back to Florida so he can train to be an army ranger in Japan for next year. I got to see Tracey in Hollywood, FL during the FMCRC conference, which turned out to be beneficial for me as I work on getting more involved in the Fil-Am community. I was voted Public Relations offficer for both FAABCO and SFACEF. I have a conference coming up for the Coalition, FAPA and NaFFAA. The important thing to keep in mind is who will we back up for the upcoming presidential election. I think we're going to link up with FilVote.. it's on my things to do. The list is getting longer actually because I keep on saying yes. Right now I'm supposed to be at a Brevard Cultural Alliance meeting, but yeah my car is at the mechanic. I've been so dependent on my family and friends to getting places, and I really hate it because I feel my freedom is taken from me. I am really missing my new friend Liz. That girl and I just bonded right quick ever since I met her at the DUB321 show at Vero Beach. From that point on, I've been part of the dub321 family and it's been fun. It's been a while since I've had a galpal. Our friendship is new, but together we kick ass. Same with Sandy. I see the three of us being really good friends for as long as we invest ourselves in this friendship. I finally met Steve this summer too, and he's been a blessing in my life. It's taken me two years to finally see him at Tapps and we kinda regret not having made more of an effort but I think because I've had so many disappointments in relationships and it's taken me this long to really get over Mikeal that in that time, I've matured some and know better how to deal with a grown up relationship. I'm happy for Mikeal I really am. I think the wake up call I had with him is when I found out he was going to be a father. He's going to have a baby girl with Jess. It's still shocking for me but it all made sense to me then that he wasn't the one. I think to me he will always be the one that got away. I'm finding myself these days to be thinking that Steve will be the one that will stay. I don't want to jinx it, if it's meant to be, it will happen. But for now the focus is finishing my education and making a life for myself that will make me happy. I've been miserable for too long, without really realizing it, so I need to work on my life and making it the best one. While I may have no inkling as to a definite path to pursue, along the way I'm finding my strengths and weaknesses, and what I can handle. This life right now maybe not the one I have imagined for myself, but it makes sense right now and I know now to be thankful for all that I have which is more than what I can ask for. Ohh, and I got to do fire spinning this summer. That was fun. Too many naked pool parties and drunken nights too, but I feel as if I needed to get the hard partying out of the way so I won't feel like I'm missing out. I want to be a good girl now. I've quit smoking, I've been clean, I just gotta work on keeping my drinking to a min. After throwing up all over Steve that one night, and not remembering a damn thing, I think we're getting me there, lol. He's right though, I wasn't able to do much with myself because I've been with people who are not that good for me. Like I said before, I need a strong man that I don't need to worry about, who will keep me stimulated, tell me when I'm being a brat and give me the love I need. He's really good that. So, I'm hoping that it will work out, but not just that, I'm also going to work on us. "It's you and me baby forever." :D
Didn't mean to go on as I did, but that's where my heart is at lol. K, time to be productive.
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Date: 2008-08-07 05:37 pm (UTC)"I need a strong man that I don't need to worry about, who will keep me stimulated, tell me when I'm being a brat and give me the love I need. "
*nods* sounds good. Interdependence between two independent individuals.. not a relationship based on dependence on one, or the other, or both. that's what I'm working on a lot now. Figuring out how to be independent, make myself happy, but include Brian in the ride. I think, from seeing my parents relationship, etc.. that I felt that I either had a life that 100% included Brian, or I shouldn't be in the relationship. But I've learned, that kills a part of me. I should share MY life with him. not make him my life. I'm working on it. it's hard. I feel guilty a lot. He doesn't impose the guilt. I do. Working on it.
i'm getting better at not feeling guilty if I go out with friends and he stays at home, he prefers to be at home. I'm getting more involved and being more "out" accepting and showing a part of myself I hid for so long. Trying to go to the gay bar atleast once a month with the girls...
Finding me, my joy, my life.
Yes, yes.